The Self-Indulgent Spare Human Speaks

*msn: I am the Professional Pony Painter from the Pony People Party. (Vote for us NOW!)

Every now and then I stop and wonder: am I really necessary?

Sometimes I feel expendable.

You know the feeling? Like, there’s nothing I do particularly well, or that someone else couldn’t do better and in less time.

Sometimes I feel that nothing sets me apart from the general population. (Of which Boyfriend is NOT representative..haha..inside joke..)

A few weeks ago I was talking to a friend of mine (who knows my sister as well) about how artistic my brother was. (He made an ambigram! – good. Not for me! – bad.) Anyway:

Friend: Wow, your brother is so artistic!

Me: Yeah, he is!

Friend: Okay, so, don’t take this the wrong way, but, your brother is artistic.

Me: (stares at MSN window, wondering where this is going)

Friend: And your sister is good at public speaking, writing, etc.

Me: (still wondering)

Friend: *pause*…so what do YOU do?

To give him credit (and the benefit of anonymity) he really was asking out of pure curiosity and not to be sarcastic.

But I think it says something, doesn’t it, when people have to ask you what you’re good at? Obviously whatever it is cannot be very good or else it would either have been

a) self-evident; or

b) mentioned by someone else already, hence reducing the need for shameless self-promotion.

Perhaps even sadder is that I couldn’t come up with anything to say.

Maybe this explains my numerous half-baked attempts to involve myself in things.

Cases in point:

a) Oil painting – I’ve only been to 5 classes so far but already I cringe whenever I have to put up my half-finished painting on the easel. Doesn’t help that the girl next to me is probably one of the best artists I’ve ever seen. (Talk about demoralizing…and she’s pretty, too.)

b) Yoga – Yes, I was going to be the most flexible person ever. I figured I’d have an advantage, given my small size and short legs (less distance to stretch to touch my toes!). Of course, I forgot my stiff muscles and short arms. And it got expensive.

c) Pilates – I was going to be the next Jennifer Aniston lookalike. (At this I don’t know whether to laugh or cry.)

d) Hip Hop (dance) – (sometimes it is best to say nothing and let the imagination flow freely.)

e) Blogging – I like writing, so it’s good. But the idea that people read what I write is still somewhat unnerving at times. Maybe that explains my reluctance to really publicize it. I dread the day that someone tells me that I suck at this. Too.

Maybe it’s time I stopped giving up on things, yeah? And on myself.

*smiles a little at herself, and hopes to someday make it a big and confident grin*

I am not fishing for compliments yeah. *stares sternly*

By the way, re: the msn nick, thanks to a link I found on Joyce’s page, my sister and I have become hooked on colouring ponies. Ha ha ha.

My Little Pony!!

Enjoy!