Days Of My Life

*msn: SNAFUs and the art of sandwich-making

A Day in the World of Subway with Pay

Yes. Yes it has. The day has come. I have entered the working and earning world.

And that, tragically, is the one and only positive thing I have to say about it.

It all began on a sunny Thursday morning when I was awakened by a particularly insistent (yet tuneful!) beeping. In my sleep-addled state of mind, I inexplicably took it to be my washing machine and stumbled, sticky-eyed, to the toilet to pat it soothingly and press whatever buttons it wanted pushed.

Only it wasn’t on, and the beeping was. Still on, I mean.

Oh! The phone! (This thought-sequence may project a somewhat bleak picture of my life, with all sorts of conclusions draw-able from the fact that being awakened by a mobile ringtone sends me to the washing machine.)

Oh! My housemate!

OH [insert your favourite expletives here, because I certainly did] IT’S 11:30!!

My shift, you see, began at 11.

My sense of timing, in addition to my memory, has never failed to astound me. Not only was it the first day on the job, but the evening before I had marched up to my boss to show off my new black shoes purchased specially for working purposes and to request, nay, demand, additional hours be put on my schedule as I desperately needed the money.

I cringe even now.

Five minutes and a mad dash down the street later, visor and apron askew, bereft of house keys (“I’ll think about it tomorrow!” Or at the end of my shift, whichever.) and insane unwashed hair waving about in all its glory, I arrived at Subway.

Where, if your credulity is still intact, the following occurred:

1. Not more than ten minutes after profuse apologizing and various attempts to develop a ‘responsible-dependable’ look, I got a customer’s order wrong.

2. In an effort to look, you know, pro-active and efficient, I decided to collect ALL the rubbish and trays at the same time. Including the ones outside. Where it is very windy. While carrying mounds of crumpled paper from the inside. Which were very light and easily blown away. Which *were* blown away. Which I then had to run after in a most ungainly manner. Which meant that it took me twice the amount of time it would have had I just done first the inside then the outside. My boss, of course, saw the whole thing.

3. I looked up from making a sub only to realize that Dream Italian God (also known as Previous Business Finance PASS Session Leader) had walked through the door. For an entire semester, my friend and I had swooned over him in our hour-long, weekly classes. At the (very, very sad) end of the semester, I recall filling in, under ‘Comments’, on a tutor evaluation form, remarks to the effect of the following:

“[Dream Italian God’s name] is extremely good-looking and a wonderful tutor. If more like him were pressed into service, I believe it is safe to say that tutorial attendance would cease to be a problem forever.”

It is with great sadness that I must admit that, in spite of my determined attempts to catch his eye, while attempting to look aloof and unattainably attractive at the same time, he paid no more attention to me than to give me increasingly wary glances out of the corner of his eye, and a firm statement of “Takeaway!” at the end of the entire process.

4. I almost impaled a customer on the end of a mop. I believe “Enough said” more than covers it.

The following day I set the alarm for 9 a.m. for an 11 a.m. shift. Better sleep-deprived than sorry.

Words of the Day

‘Revolting’ – is a word that, to me, looks and sounds exactly like its meaning.

‘Grotesque’ – is another.

‘Pulchritude’ – is not.

Market Day!

(Sounds like the title of an Enid Blyton chapter.)

Today, after numerous so-called ‘hints’ (“I WANT a Tamagotchi and you can get one in Victoria Market for seven dollars!”) and fuelled by the desire for peace, Boyfriend bought me an imitation Tamagotchi.

Which I loved, up till the point when I pulled the tab to bring it to life and opened the manual.

The first paragraph of the latter reads (all capitals and spelling entirely the original author’s own):

“a. open to stir to insulate the slice before machine, and be the Bonding Option to show the person with the pet, can press Select The pet of the feeding that choice need: Person or dinosaur, press the Decide Key the confirmation the empress to enter respectively Into the feeding mode for pick outing of, be the Bonding Option to show someone, then and directly press the Decide Key Enter the game mode.”

Fascinatingly enough, a few paragraphs later, this line jumps out at me:

“The pet’s childhood Child bearingAfter choice need pet that keep, press the Delide Key to enter the feeding mode the meeting according to Pet for choosing of its breed the way but decision its is still viviparous for egg.”

Viviparous? Incomprehensible instructions, to be sure, but how very scientific. Also note that Decide Key has now morphed into Delide Key. (Further on it becomes DECIDE key – as if the author suddenly realized he’d been wrong for quite a while and tried to cover it up by shouting the correct one really loudly and hoping people wouldn’t remember.)

Also imagine my surprise (nasty) when, after a few random stabs at the buttons, this appeared:

I am sorely disappointed. As a friend remarked, if I had wanted a human to take care of, I had Boyfriend.

(This really struck home later when I realized that my wonderful new pet refused to do anything but eat or sleep and only liked eating snacks. And when I turned around to show Boyfriend how she looked when she was sleeping only to find him curled up in bed as well.)

I am most displeased. (To Boyfriend: But still very grateful!!)

Word-watching

Sauntering down Gertrude Street one day, I spotted the only true source of glee I’ve had all week.

And chuckled to myself all the way home.

End of Days

To bed! To bed!